I give up. Adrian Shadowhawk is an ass. J. Clayton here–again–doing Adrian’s job. For the past month, I’ve been reminding him (he calls it nagging) that our blog fans are eagerly waiting to hear from us. He told me that most of the blog comments we receive are from spammers, and he had no idea if anyone worthwhile was even listening. You might want to leave us an occasional comment to show you care. Or, if you want to let us know you’re there and don’t want to post a blog comment, you can email us:
shadowhawk at rochester dot rr dot com.
We wrote the email address that way to keep spammers out. You’re all intelligent enough to put it together. Adrian and I know the importance of privacy and promise not to save or record your email address if you do email us. We won’t even store the email after we’ve read it and responded unless you want us to.
Moving along. Adrian was going to blog about the pros and cons of being a vampire (I told him “Perks and Caveats” would make him sound more intelligent). I also reminded him that we promised to have some guest authors joining us and that’s he’s been delinquent in that. I personally promise to begin that on the first weekend in April.
Well, I finally figured out what Adrian’s problem was. It was all about the being a vampire thing. He came up with this–I thought–very clever idea, which I’ll share in a minute. Then I suggested that he ask some of our vampire acquaintances how they felt about being vampires. After he made a couple of calls, he got all depressed. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn’t want to talk about it. So, I did some investigating.
I’ll share what I found out at the end of this post.
Now, let’s talk about the upside and downside of being a vampire.
First, we’ll dispel the myths.
Myth #1: Vampires cast no reflection (and can’t be photographed on film or with a digital camera). Nope, not true. If it were, all those vampire horror films could never have been made. =:)
Myth #2: Vampires can change into a bat or a mist. We wish.
Myth #3: Vampires are allergic to or harmed by silver or crosses. Also untrue, but it’s always bugged me as to why a Christian religious symbol is supposed to be the bane of vampires, but those of other religions aren’t. It kind of makes you wonder if vampires were invented by the early Christian church to scare people into converting–to Christianity, that is.
Myth #4: We’re repulsed by garlic. Garlic breath maybe, but not by garlic.
Myth #5: Vampires burst into flame if exposed to sunlight. Our eyes are light sensitive, and we do sunburn easily, so we tend to stay out of the sun. As for bursting into flames, well, that’d be a cool thing to see, but it isn’t going to happen.
You might ask, if vampires are not immortal and can’t do those cool tricks, why be one? Here’s what Adrian came up with.
ON THE PLUS SIDE:
No fangs
Telepathic abilities
Enhanced senses
Vampire females are infertile
A stake through the heart is fatal
Can see oneself in a mirror
ON THE MINUS SIDE:
No fangs
Telepathic abilities
Enhanced senses
Vampire females are infertile
A stake through the heart is fatal
Can see oneself in a mirror
How many of you smart humans noticed that these two lists are identical? Give yourselves points if you did. I’ll leave it to you to figure out the rest. Hint: The mirror thing depends on whether you’re happy with seeing yourself in a mirror.
I told you he was being really clever for a change. I must be rubbing off on him. So, what was it that depressed him? Well, the people he asked had been vampires for quite a while. Both of them gave the same disadvantage: You get to see your human friends die while you live on. That depressed me, too, and I’m only seventeen.
On a happier note, I finally got him to agree to let me drive his new Vette in the spring. Guess what. Spring has sprung.
Hopefully, I can get him back on track doing blogs in between our guest author blogs. Trust me that we’ve got some great authors lined up, and some of them have great takes on vampires. I’m not sure who’s up first, but watch for one next weekend.
We’ll do a future blog on the lame shit comments that spammers post. You’ll find them highly amusing. All you spammers had better be ready to be embarrassed.
We do appreciate our fans. If your comments don’t show up right away, it’s because the spam filter accidentally blocked you. Adrian and I check every few days and approve or delete (mostly delete) comments accordingly.
While you’re anticipating our next exciting blog, don’t forget your local Red Cross.
–J.C.
Tags: Vampires
